A lovely friend shared a link to this post with me - a Daily Mail online article about Charlize Theron who has adopted a baby boy on her own.
My first and only thought was.. wow, good for her. She's taking matters into her own hands and realising a dream of starting her own family despite her single status and in the least selfish way by adopting a child already in need. How great that despite probably being able to get any man she wanted to give up his sperm and despite having more than enough money to go through IVF, donor insemination, etc. if she so wished.. she's chosen to adopt. And yes, okay she can afford a ton of helpers, etc. but she will still be a single woman responsible for a child for the rest of it's life.
Then.. I scrolled down to read the comments which was a mistake because every time I think about it I get angry all over again. These are a few.. (and I'm sorry but I am going to get on my soap box!)
"These celebrities are a bunch of freaks? If a woman can have kids naturally have
them, stop adopting they are not shopping bags.This is not normal."
Why shouldn't someone adopt just because they can conceive naturally? If everyone had that attitude there would be far more children in homes or foster care than ever. It's not the child's fault they are there. Every child deserves the gift of a loving family whether adoptive or not. And just as it's a woman's right to choose whether to keep her child, it's also her right whether to have one that is biologically hers or not! (Warning..there will be lots of exclamation marks in this post..) Never mind how insulting that comment is on the many women/men that cannot conceive naturally!
I know most of my best friends would probably choose to have a child of their own than adopt if they were able to. I have always thought positively about adoption and thought that was something I might do but like them, I have always thought it would be something I'd consider after conceiving my own which of course I'd love to do if I was a "we" and not a "me".. And one day I may still get the chance to do that if I meet the rest person but right now I am just a me as Charlize is. And in this situation, I would rather try to help someone out there already than use donor sperm. It doesn't matter so much to me that the child has sprung from my loins because I believe I can be a mother to a child irrespective of where they've come from. But not everyone believes or wants that and that's their right as this is mine. It does NOT however make me, or anyone else in my position a freak! (Incidentally.. this was posted by a bloke...)
"She hasn't become a mother really has she, just adopted a child like so many other celebs"
Mm.. so what does the word "mother" mean to this woman I wonder. Because to me it means someone that will lift you up when you're down, teach you right from wrong, share your dramas, be your anchor and love and care for you for the rest of your life. What about step-mothers.. are they not "mothers" either??
"As much as this is lovely how come celebs always get a baby? We have two adopted children who we wouldnt change for the world but unless we wanted to pay (against all we believe in) there was little chance of a baby."
"..unfortunately the old saying applies to this: money talks and, well you know the rest. although it may seem unfair for couples without millions to have to wait years and single people seem to just have to make a phone call and get a child.."
Honestly the bitching that went on around the fact that she has successfully been able to adopt a baby and a "healthy" one at that. It MUST because she's rich... are you serious? Adoption agencies and local authorities don't just hand children over to anyone just because they've 4 cars in the drive. Part of the reason there are still so few people adopting in comparison to the number of children out there is because the system is so strict at first approving potential adopters and then matching them with the right child. They don't want the placement to end up with the child back in care.
People complain like they've lost out at some big Sale! There's a reason there are so few babies available for adoption.. women are keeping them. We are more accepting of single mothers, most of whom found themselves in that position through no fault of their own. There is also a lot more help available to new parents, whether you're young, single, on low incomes, etc. so people naturally are starting to feel more like they may be able to cope with providing for their child and so they are not being given up. Instead of complaining about that.. shouldn't we be grateful for it?
I know that comment may have been made by someone unable to conceive themselves and having wanted a baby of their own but that doesn't give them or anyone the right to begrudge others their good fortune especially when performing such a selfless act.
The fact is, there ARE still babies out there. In comparison to the number of parents waiting, for every available baby it is likely that the LA will have to choose from a long list of parents. Why wouldn't they choose the richest, etc? If they're approved to adopt they're approved the same as anyone else. It's only at the matching stage where it could be taking into consideration. We're talking about a child not a dining place at the Ivy.. first come, first serve doesn't work in this instance.
In March 2011 there were approx 65,500 children in care.
Only 6% of these were under 1yrs old.
As for the "single people seem to just have to make a phone call and get a child".. well that's utterly ridiculous and ignorant. Single people go through exactly the same process as everyone else and actually have to face more scrutiny to ensure they have an adequate support network, etc. in place as they have sole responsibility with no backup from hubby.
Before the laws were changed there were agencies that wouldn't even take you on if you were single and only since 2005 can you adopt as a gay/lesbian couple.. to say you get special privileges is ridiculous.
"I am really tired of single moms, famous or infamous. Children need to be brought up in a stable home with a mother and a father, not by nannies or grandmothers. As long as people don't understand this, there will be more troubled and distressed people who will end up committing crimes or need a psychiatrist for the rest of their lives."
At which point I'm afraid I had to stop reading..
During that same year ending March 2011 of the 65,500 in care.. only 3000 were adopted. This is after the laws changed to make it easier for people to come forward and make it through the adoption process.
The majority of the children in care are likely to never be adopted and at 16 will be pushed out into the world.
I should point out that these are just my opinions which I'm entitled to as much as these people are but.... if in 2012 these are still some of the attitudes facing adoptive parents and single ones at that, there's no wonder there are so many children without a hope of ever finding a family to call there own.
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